curveball.

I think im having a mid 20's crisis. Even though Im not even halfway threw my 20s, but you get the idea. Tonight I had one, I seriously for once in my life don't know if what I thought I wanted to do in life is really what I want to do. This sux. Grrr... why must life be so difficult!! Will someone please just tell me what to do!!

it's been awhile....

I am horrible at this whole blogging thing. oops.. :) well anyways.. Life is interesting. Last Tuesday we all went to Charlotte One, and Donald Miller was our speaker. He wrote the book Blue Like Jazz. He is awesome. I really wanna read his book now. He has a lot of interesting things to talk about. It really makes you think. He talked about how God wants us to go through conflict and even when we want to cry out and scream at God for putting us through this, we grow through the experience and become a better person. So thats what im ding. This past week has been extremely difficult. I miss home a lot. But on a lighter note, I should let everyone know just exactly what my friends and I do here. And I will post pictures shortly of what they all look like :)

Well tonight was a fun but sad night. Wednesdays is Brixx night. We go to Sbux for chat and then head over to Brixx which is a brick oven pizza place. so yummy :) Well we made it into girls night and took fun pictures and ate lots of yummy food. Then me up with our friend Zach who is leaving for Switzerland tomorrow for 7 months. Hes doing YWAM. We are going to miss him dearly. But it will be good for him. Also I got to talk to one of my favorite people today on the phone, Liz! She is so amazing and she is engaged and I am super happy for her! She is such an awesome woman who loves the Lord and I cant wait fro the wedding, it is going to be the wedding of the year!

So im sure this post was super boring, but I thought I should post because its been a month and Im really bad at this. Also 9 weeks till I come home! yay!!!

LOVE

It's night time, i'm listening to Hillsong radio station on my pandora radio, and it's pouring down rain outside. I love it. Also I decided to go through the Gospels in the Bible and start to journal again. It's Day one of that so let's see how well I do. But im super excited about it. School started last week and I loved my class. My teacher is british and so funny and the people in my class are really nice. Most of them have the southern accent so lets hope I don't pick it up to much. haha. So these past couple days have been better for me. It is still really really difficult but it's getting easier. I still have no friends. haha but I am going to the college group at the church im checking out, so hopefully I like it and that I make a friend or two. haha. Otherwise it'll be game night with the fam for awhile. Which I do love. I know I'm a dork but every Sunday we have lunch/dinner with my grandparents and today they came over to our house and we played tons of games. It was a lot of fun. Anyways.. I just wanna say  little something about something I read in this book im reading called Crazy Love. by Francis Chan

 I love this book. It's so amazing. But he said something at the beginning of this chapter I just read.. "just let life happen"... Which is what I need to continue to do. Lately with this move and craziness going on I have been a little bit of a worry freak. I need to just live life and let God take care of the rest. Also before I left, a close friend of mine asked me "if I wanted to change one thing about myself when I move what would it be??" Because basically im starting with a clean slate. No one here knows me, well besides my family, so I could be whoever I really want to be. Well one thing, which im sure everyone will think is weird, but I decided to go back to my full name, Jacquelyn. haha I know dumb, but it's not that I dont love Jackie, it's just that for school stuff and whatnot I always use my full name so I should just go back, I was going to sooner or later. I will still respond to Jackie, to all my AZ friends, but it's time for change :) But really the main thing I told my friend was that I wanted to become a nicer person. I know im not a mean person really, sometimes im a little sarcastic but nothing harmless. So in this book the author brought up a great point. He asked this question, "How would my life change if I   actually thought of each person I came into contact with as Christ?" He then gave some good examples of people we get angry with for no reason. For example, the person driving painfully slow in front of me, what if that was God in that car, would I act the same way?? So thats my new thing. To love my neighbor, to love more. I know it will be hard but everything is possible to those who believe.

Good ole Oswald Chambers

Last night was the first time I got to use Skype (see photo above, thats steph) sense I have been here! oh it was so much fun.  I will for sure use it more often. So anyone who has it, hit me up :) I thought today would be a better day, and it did start out well because I actually slept through the night and did not wake up before 8 am. I know that doesn't sound early, but when I can't fall asleep till 1 and I wake up during the night. I need just one day where I can sleep in! So today I slept till 9. woohoo. It's an hour later. But whatever, no one wants to hear that :) 

So I read an interesting quote today, "We will never know the joy of self-sacrifice until we surrender in every detail of our lives." From good ole Oswald Chambers. My Utmost For His Highest today was something I totally needed. Do you ever read from that book and then go "OMG that was so written for me today!" haha ya I did today. It's so crazy how something like that just pops up out of blue, when I totally wasn't looking for it, but of course, God knew I needed it. So of course I got it. He is so amazing like that. Then the book goes on to say "yet self-surrender is the most difficult thing for us to do." Which is so true. 

I never really thought about it. I guess I have never really had to give up anything in my life. I never had major changes that really affected me. Having my parents move away was probably the worst thing, but I soon got over that by keeping myself busy with school, work, church, and friends. Im at a point in my life where I need to take the next step. I am totally surrendering my life to Jesus. It's going to be hard, but I know the Holy Spirit will give me a taste of His joy and it will be more than I can imagine. Oh Ozzy Chambers, hes so good. God is good. Let the journey begin...

Next step in life....

I have been here for 3 days total. The way I feel right now is crappy. I dislike it here very much. I still dont have a job, I am slowly running out of money and I feel like everything is crashing down on me. I am starting to second guess this whole move. I know I should give it more time, but technically I have been away from my home for a week now. I miss all my friends and my church, and my community. I had a totally melt down today. :( but no worries, I think I figured out what is going on.

The past couple months I feel like I have been living my life as a "lukewarm christian." I have been content in my life, I have been happy most of the time and I have thought the whole "well im better than that person, I must be a good person." NO that is not what God wants for us. I need to step it up and live fully for him, not half-hearted. Its not that I dont love him and know the way I should live, its just that I get scared, I do more what I want and not what he wants. I need to get more out there. Be who he wants me to be. I wanna have the mindset where I read the bible and never want to stop. I want to be looking forward to what I get up there and not what I have down here. 

I have realized that maybe this move is a good thing. That it's God way of showing me, breaking me, of my bad ways. We grow most when we are broken. This move is a way to get me out of my bubble and be the person God wants all of us to be. To acknowledge him the way he will acknowledge us in front of his Father. Im scared, excited, and most of all willing to be the person I am suppose to me. A follower of Christ. 

Good bye Arizona, Good bye Cacti!

Well, I made a blog... not sure how well its going to be, but I thought I would try one. I wanted to write about my adventure on my new journey in life.  As I drive across the US to my new home in North Carolina. I will be leaving a life I have known for 23 years. It has been a great run, but it is now time to start a new one. I love all my friends and will miss them so much. Thank you all my friends for an amazing last night in Arizona. It is now time to start the next step in my life. 

p.s. I hope my blog isn't boring.